Marry me!

I have been hearing too many stories about bad marriages lately that relationships and marriages have began to scare me. I don't dream about a prince charming on a white horse anymore. Instead, I run away from men who show interest in me, who are nice to me, or who tell they want to be more than just friends with me.

It's not only others' marriages but my failure in understanding what exactly I want from a marriage - that is if I ever get married - that's holding me back. Love - honestly, I know nothing about love between a man and a woman. Sex - is good sex enough for a relationship to survive forever? Money - I can earn it, no? Companionship - whatever that means! What should I choose? Whom should I choose? What's important and what isn't? I wish there was an easier way to figure these things out.

However, after brainstorming with my mother and close friends for hours, I supposed that passable looks, education and good communication skills are the most important qualities that I want in the guy I want to spend the rest of my life with. (I know I am not an employer and he ain't a job seeker, still...)

Then, I recalled one of my friends, who liked me enough to ask me to marry him (or so I thought at that moment), telling that he likes my broad-mindedness. He was good-looking and as educated as I am. I felt flattered...only until he explained what he expected from his broadminded wife. I was appalled by his confession. Broad-minded person was meant to tolerate infidelity as well. After that, faithfulness was added to the list of qualities I sought in my groom.

I looked and looked again but couldn't find a man who had all these qualities, and whenever I thought he has everything, I ran away from him. Am I just avoiding relationships or haven't met the right guy yet? I don't know. Whatever it is, it is plain annoying. Sometimes, I wish the concept of marriage hadn't existed at all. At least, I wish I didn't care enough about either my parents' views when it comes to my marriage or their worry about what society may think of them if I end up as a spinster.

Oh no, I don't want to get married because my parents want me to get married. Perhaps, it triggered things, but now I want to marry because I think it would be nice to get married. Oh, whatever! I have created this perfect man in my head and that's the end of everything. I know I am contradicting myself when I speak about this perfect man as I already said that I am not looking forward to meet any prince charming on a white horse. What I am actually trying to tell is I have given up on the idea of meeting a nice guy who would actually make me want to get married, to him, of course. 

Yes, marriage is always on my mind because that's all everyone I meet these days talk about. But, I somehow feel that I try really hard to avoid it, postpone it, or whatever.

One last thing - staying single is not all that bad. Marriage can't be bad either, no? Everyone does it. Oh, I am confused again so I will break this train of thought here and get some work done.

Pain

Who likes to indulge in self pity? At least, I don't. I have got a big ego that doesn't permit me to display my hurt. I would rather die than show weakness in front of those people who didn't think twice before hurting me. Anyway, would it matter to them even if they knew how much I was hurting? I guess not. So, why bother?

Trust issues

Nowadays, I teach creative writing to a couple of kids, and when I was on my way to the class, I saw an ad for a job opening. My brother is unemployed at the moment and it just crossed my mind that he would require my dad to vouch for him if he ever applied for such jobs (It was related to security management).

Friend-me-not

I dedicate this blog post to all those wolves in sheep's clothing. I know I am exaggerating when I compare the friends-gone-strangers to wolves, but I couldn't find subtler words.

I'm never in a hurry to end a relationship. I believe that acknowledgment is the first step to solve any problem, not termination. However, I have stopped talking to many people, who were once upon a time my friends, this year - sometimes, they initiated the process, and the other times, I did.

Wanna hookup?

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Heartbreak and whatever!

You realise you are growing old when you decide to stay away from a person who mistreated you without getting into any tit-for-tat businesses. Now, you're old enough to understand that such people are just not worth your time and effort.

True and Unrequited Love

I'm one of those millions of girls who grew up reading Cinderella and other such tall-tales. At the back of my mind, I always knew that such stories were just a work of fiction, but in the naivety of childhood, I still hoped; I hoped that true love existed and one day it will sweep me off my feet.

Crushing

I left halfway through an article on my friends and their broken relationships to write this. I have had way too many crushes and that’s reason enough to dedicate an entire blogpost on the topic.

I clearly remember, it all started when I was ten year old. I was seriously crushing over a film-star then. It was nothing serious though. It was all about his movies and running around trees singing songs. Now, every time I see him on television, I facepalm.

Women's Issues

I suppose I have been giving men more attention than they actually deserve, at least on my blog. Well, I am a big girl now. I have my share of men issues and need a platform to vent. Where else will I go other than my ‘Otiose Opinions’? And to be honest, there are quite a lot of things I wish I could talk about, but cannot. You know, a girl like me has to think about her reputation in the society and she must also be considerate about others who are involved in the issues she wants to discuss.

Men, men and more men...

I have been meeting a lot of people these days, thanks to my job that requires me to travel and meet new people. Though these meetings are mostly work related, every now and then I get glimpses of what these people really are.

Perhaps I am just making assumptions…still reading people is fun. All writers must do it as often as possible. If not anything else, it will help us in giving our creations life.

Friendzone

Well, I have been (and I have) friendzoned before, but it never really mattered, at least not enough to talk and write about it. I was younger and had plenty of time to play then, but along with the passing years, my tolerance for men who play hard to get has decreased. Oh, there are still quite a few years before I become thirty, but I feel so old already.