01 February 2015

Trust issues

Nowadays, I teach creative writing to a couple of kids, and when I was on my way to the class, I saw an ad for a job opening. My brother is unemployed at the moment and it just crossed my mind that he would require my dad to vouch for him if he ever applied for such jobs (It was related to security management).

He has been out of home for seven years and though it's already a year since he returned, we still don't know for sure what he was up to all those years he was away. Even though we share a blood relationship, I find it hard to trust the stories he gives us whenever questioned about those seven years. 

Suddenly, I had to face the questions I have been ignoring for quite sometime now. Would it be wise to trust him after everything he has done to us? What if he disappoints us again? Will I ever be able to trust him? Then, I realised, how difficult it is to start over things from where we left them in the past.

We meet hundreds of people everyday and get acquainted to a bunch of them. With my perception about relationships at the moment, I wonder whether I will go beyond being acquaintances with them. I understand that it won't matter to them, but I am not sure how I feel about it. I have already started doubting the sincerity of people around me. No, I'm not a pessimist but when you burn your hand repeatedly, you change...

Loneliness is truly painful. The realisation that in the end you only have yourself has made me stop investing in people - time, emotions or whatever it is. I don't indulge myself either. Instead, I spend my waking hours mussing over various questions on nothingness, meaning of life, my existence in this universe and so on.

There are times I feel sad about things that have happened in the past, and I accept I am still healing the hurt within, but most of the times, nothing matters - neither the pain that I carry nor the people around me. Perhaps, it is my mind's way of coping up with all the pain. Also, it could just be a phase, and as they say 'this too shall pass', but that doesn't change the fact I am hurting now, and the people who caused it were once my friends.

1 comment:

  1. The VASHIKARAN MANTRA that might be recited or the solutions provided by the astrologer for your problems are always towards the positive side. If you intend to do something negative, these VASHIKARAN mantras won't work. Similarly, you need to have faith in the term 'astrology'; else you can never experience positive results.