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20 December 2015

Marry me!

I have been hearing too many stories about bad marriages lately that relationships and marriages have began to scare me. I don't dream about a prince charming on a white horse anymore. Instead, I run away from men who show interest in me, who are nice to me, or who tell they want to be more than just friends with me.

It's not only others' marriages but my failure in understanding what exactly I want from a marriage - that is if I ever get married - that's holding me back. Love - honestly, I know nothing about love between a man and a woman. Sex - is good sex enough for a relationship to survive forever? Money - I can earn it, no? Companionship - whatever that means! What should I choose? Whom should I choose? What's important and what isn't? I wish there was an easier way to figure these things out.

However, after brainstorming with my mother and close friends for hours, I supposed that passable looks, education and good communication skills are the most important qualities that I want in the guy I want to spend the rest of my life with. (I know I am not an employer and he ain't a job seeker, still...)

Then, I recalled one of my friends, who liked me enough to ask me to marry him (or so I thought at that moment), telling that he likes my broad-mindedness. He was good-looking and as educated as I am. I felt flattered...only until he explained what he expected from his broadminded wife. I was appalled by his confession. Broad-minded person was meant to tolerate infidelity as well. After that, faithfulness was added to the list of qualities I sought in my groom.

I looked and looked again but couldn't find a man who had all these qualities, and whenever I thought he has everything, I ran away from him. Am I just avoiding relationships or haven't met the right guy yet? I don't know. Whatever it is, it is plain annoying. Sometimes, I wish the concept of marriage hadn't existed at all. At least, I wish I didn't care enough about either my parents' views when it comes to my marriage or their worry about what society may think of them if I end up as a spinster.

Oh no, I don't want to get married because my parents want me to get married. Perhaps, it triggered things, but now I want to marry because I think it would be nice to get married. Oh, whatever! I have created this perfect man in my head and that's the end of everything. I know I am contradicting myself when I speak about this perfect man as I already said that I am not looking forward to meet any prince charming on a white horse. What I am actually trying to tell is I have given up on the idea of meeting a nice guy who would actually make me want to get married, to him, of course. 

Yes, marriage is always on my mind because that's all everyone I meet these days talk about. But, I somehow feel that I try really hard to avoid it, postpone it, or whatever.

One last thing - staying single is not all that bad. Marriage can't be bad either, no? Everyone does it. Oh, I am confused again so I will break this train of thought here and get some work done.

18 October 2015

How not to kill yourself?

When you're tired of everything and everyone around you, it is natural to seek a new means of entertainment...perhaps a new acquaintance if not a new anime or TV show. You either login to Facebook and accept one of those pending friends' requests, or reinstall tinder. And you give your everything to not become dependent on that new friend because you know how it will end. You have been through it several times already. You know that the sparks that seem so interesting now WILL eventually fade; it may not even take that long.  

18 February 2015

Pain

Who likes to indulge in self pity? At least, I don't. I have got a big ego that doesn't permit me to display my hurt. I would rather die than show weakness in front of those people who didn't think twice before hurting me. Anyway, would it matter to them even if they knew how much I was hurting? I guess not. So, why bother?

01 February 2015

Trust issues

Nowadays, I teach creative writing to a couple of kids, and when I was on my way to the class, I saw an ad for a job opening. My brother is unemployed at the moment and it just crossed my mind that he would require my dad to vouch for him if he ever applied for such jobs (It was related to security management).

27 December 2014

Friend-me-not

I dedicate this blog post to all those wolves in sheep's clothing. I know I am exaggerating when I compare the friends-gone-strangers to wolves, but I couldn't find subtler words.

I'm never in a hurry to end a relationship. I believe that acknowledgment is the first step to solve any problem, not termination. However, I have stopped talking to many people, who were once upon a time my friends, this year - sometimes, they initiated the process, and the other times, I did.

11 December 2014

Wanna hookup?

Lately, I have been using this dating app named TinderI know my friend circle is big, and then, there is Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn and Quora - so why Tinder?

I just wanted to meet men keeping ‘dating’ in mind. It always happens the other way – you generally meet people with everything else on mind but dating or love - so wanted to try something different for once. I have met one person from this app until now. We decided to start as friends and wanted to keep it that way. Still, it went miserably wrong. Anyway, let’s not get sidetracked and continue with what I originally wanted to say.

07 December 2014

Heartbreak and whatever!

You realise you are growing old when you decide to stay away from a person who mistreated you without getting into any tit-for-tat businesses. Now, you're old enough to understand that such people are just not worth your time and effort.

14 November 2014

True and Unrequited Love

I'm one of those millions of girls who grew up reading Cinderella and other such tall-tales. At the back of my mind, I always knew that such stories were just a work of fiction, but in the naivety of childhood, I still hoped; I hoped that true love existed and one day it will sweep me off my feet.

11 September 2014

Liar liar pants on fire

I met way too many liars in the past few days that I had to vent out somewhere and what better place than my blog…

There are people who make several promises to manipulate others to get their works done. Boyfriends and girlfriends promise commitment and marriage to squeeze sex and money out of their partners. Colleagues promise cooperation in return for small favours. Businesses promise services in return for money. But, these people hardly keep their promises.

Two paths diverged in the woods

Growing old is inevitable, however feeling old is optional. I realize with each passing day I am getting older and becoming wiser (perhaps not), but I don’t feel old enough to be figuring out someone else's dinner, putting a kid to sleep, and answering to people other than my parents. When I am still working out how to handle trivial affairs of a so called grand life, when I still spend my days anticipating its vital moves, I see my friends battle with bigger and meaner demons.