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05 June 2010

Hidden


This post has been published by me as a part of the Blog-a-Ton 11; the eleventh edition of the online marathon of Bloggers; where we decide and we write. To be part of the next edition, visit and start following Blog-a-Ton.

Hidden, it remained.

The journey had drained them completely, yet they wanted to continue. It would take more than hunger, few bruises and near death to make them abandon the hunt. They were men of sands and would never go back on their words, not even at the cost of their lives. They were determined to find the treasure, no matter what.

Many who went seeking the treasure, in the past, never returned and their comrades back home supposed that they were dead. With time, the treasure became one of the forbidden stories and whoever spoke of it were punished severely, but some still whispered about it.

The wild didn't welcome the crew heartily and they knew it would get worse, but they anyway proceeded, bravely. It was so difficult to see through the woods and even the lamp gave out because of the rain, and walking the mossed forest ground wasn't any easier. There hearts didn't flinch even at the smell of death and danger, after all they were the best warriors of the sand village. Their village needed them to find the treasure and nothing would stop them from doing that. Uncertain of what was in store for them, they walked to reach an unknown destiny...to find to the hidden treasure.

The sorceress had warned them, "Never follow the Sun, because the death follows it". She had them well equipped with weapons, food and water, and she had also let them borrow a copy of the map that would lead them to the treasure.

They lost two of their comrades to the hungry wolves and three, badly wounded. Alastor asked them to return to the village as they would only delay the crew if they continued, but they wouldn't listen and stabbed themselves to death. They didn't want to go back to the village without the treasure. Though grieving over their comrades, the remaining men went on.

The men met neither a dragon nor a enchantress who they believed would have seduced them to death, all they met until now was the wrath of the woods. Nature was their biggest enemy at the moment. The continuously pouring sky forced them to take refuge in a hole in the bark of the tree. The smell of the sweat and the warmth of the bodies pressed upon him was exciting Edward, but he brushed away the sexual urge and went to sleep. He promised to himself that he would get back to village along with the treasure and then take the fairest maiden to bed.

The morning sun didn't bring any luck either, instead they lost another comrade. After burying him, they had a lite breakfast and moved forward. Now, the quest was upon Alastor and Edward.

The death of all his comrades had scared the hell out of Edward. He knew Alastor well enough to continue alone with him. He had seen Alastor's lust for power. Alastor wouldn't think twice before stabbing him to get him out of his way. Edward didn't want to die a virgin. If not for the fairest maiden, he wanted to marry at least a Plain Jane and raise his kids. Deciding to find the treasure all by himself, he absconded away with the map, leaving Alastor in middle of nowhere.

Alastor looked everywhere for Edward, but he didn't find any trace of him. He supposed that something bad had befallen his last comrade. There was no point in going on without the map that was gone with Edward, so Alastor decided to return home, but to come back later. He wouldn't give up yet. He was the best among the bravest men of sands and he would never let his comrades sacrifice waste away.

But the elders of the sand village had other plans. Once again, they banned talking about the treasure, even whispering about it would lead one to grave consequences. With years, the treasure became one of the forgotten stories and the treasure itself, remained hidden.

The fellow Blog-a-Tonics who took part in this Blog-a-Ton and links to their respective posts can be checked here. To be part of the next edition, visit and start following Blog-a-Ton.

35 comments:

  1. may be edward and alastor should have killed themselves..how this ending would go...

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  2. missed your trademark ending here, but all in all a very good tale, reminded me of those sindbad type stories I used to read in Chandmama :)

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  3. thank god u didn't end it in heroic style making him to find d treasure...
    liked the narration and the ending :)
    am glad that you have stayed away from cliched ending ...
    Hidden things are not that easy to find in an attempt in filmy style...
    Tough aims reveal the true nature of people...

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  4. I found the names of the characters very odd to that of the story

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  5. Is the treasure found? - Hidden?
    Very well written :-)

    gmsaravana-hidden

    Yours Frendly,
    Saravana Kumar M

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  6. The description was good but I dint understand where exactly the story was going..:D :)

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  7. This was a good one! Quite different from other posts of yours. I didn't quite get the ending. Did Edward die? What about Alastor?

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  8. Yeah, I agree with Pooja. The end needs to be clear. But what a herioc treasure-hunt tale

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  9. Classic treasure hunt tale. I love such narratives.

    ATB for BATOM

    Gkam: Hidden

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  10. Enjoyed reading the post,as much as your post for the last BATOM.
    Esp liked the name Alastor-if its your creation,Kudos !
    And the pragmatic and realistic ending was a welcome change from the heroics most such narratives rely upon.

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  11. Liked reading it. But, it ain't like any of your previous work! Maybe, too many blog posts around these days? Pressure, or something? I am sure, you are a better story teller than this!

    All the best for BAT!

    PS: http://bit.ly/thestupidgirl

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  12. good one :)

    hey, i have got a bit busy with studies, so blog time restricted for sundays. so wont be able to comment much on ur blog.i read the blogs i follow on my phone when i take breaks at the library, but my phone ka internet doesn allow commenting. so plz don mind if u don't get a comment from me on ur blogs. im still readin it :) cheers

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  13. well narrated Nethra... as always :)

    all the best for BAT...

    Cheers!
    Tavish

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  14. Nice..I think this open ended story has a potential for a sequel..think over it :)
    it was a nice read, except just one thing that pricked me..in sand, the damp woods and tree barks seems out of place...
    else the flow and story line is wonderful

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  15. Story with good scope. But like last time blog post is too small to do justice to such a story.

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  16. Ketan
    That would have been so typically unrealistic.

    Murali
    Wanted to write a simple and realistic story. Sindbad was one of my favorites and even I used to read Chandamamma. Anyway, thanks for dropping by. :)

    Mahesh
    I'm glad you liked the ending of the story when none seemed to fancy it. I wanted to write about people who fail and not about those people who get the treasure in the end. Thanks for the comment. :)

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  17. Venky
    I couldn't think of any other names. Anyway, Alastor and Edward are old English names, so felt its more appropriate.

    Saravana
    It wasn't found in their lifetime atleast. Thanks for dropping by. :)

    Leo
    Thanks! After all you were the one who suggested the title. :)

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  18. Vamsi
    There wasn't much story in it. The crew was on quest to find the treasure and because of few unlucky circumstances they fail and the treasure remained hidden. Hopefully, you will get it after you read this comment. Thanks for dropping by! :)

    Pooja
    I'm not sure what happened to Edward, because I didn't think about him. Whoever, Alastor returns home and the treasure remain un-found. Thanks for the comment! :)

    Ritu
    I left the ending for readers to interpret as they like it. Thanks for dropping by! :)

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  19. gkam
    I always loved such stories. I still fancy them. By the way, thanks for the wishes and the comment! :)

    Brijender
    The name Alastor isn't my creation. Its some Greek God's name. I wanted to keep the climax simple and I'm glad you liked it. Thanks for the comment! :)

    Arjit
    I'm still in the learning process. Now after learning that people expect me to write better, I will surely try to write better. Thanks for your honest comment! I really appreciate that. :)

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  20. Dr. Chandana Shekar
    Thanks! :)
    And its fine if you can't leave a comment. There is no compulsion that you comment on my every post. However, I would be happy if I knew what you thought about my writings.

    Tavish
    Thanks and all the best to you too! :)

    Megha
    It was a quest and they had been traveling. I thought it was obvious.
    Anyway, I will think of a sequel. Thanks, girl! :)

    Ernesto
    I didn't quite understand what you meant by that comment. Anyway, thanks for the comment! :)

    The fool
    I agree with you but I wanted to keep it short. Anyway, thanks for the comment! :)

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  21. Your blog is cool. To gain more visitors to your blog submit your posts at indli.com

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  22. Hmm, too much going on for a short story.

    Nethra, you have a reputation to live up to.

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  23. Made an interesting read!
    All the very best for BAT-11!
    Cheers :)

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  24. Indli
    Thanks! :) I did submit my post on Indli.com

    Purba
    Next time, I will come up with something better. I promise. :)

    Magiceye
    Thanks for the comment! :)

    Shilpa Garg
    Thanks, shilpa! :)
    and all the best to you too.

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  25. 'Hidden' and 'Hunt' go hand in hand don't they? Classic treasure hunt stuff! Takes me back to my Secret 7 and Hardy Boys days! Glad to have meandered in at the last minute! Good attempt! Waiting for the best from you :)Good luck with BAT :)

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  26. Raksha Raman
    I'm sure that my entry for next blog-a-ton will be better than this. Thanks for dropping by and leaving your feedback!! :)

    TerryM又來ontane
    Thanks! :)

    Chen Zhuoren
    "The talent unfolds in the adverse circumstance, is hidden in the favorable circumstances."
    Well said. Thanks for the comment! :)

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  27. Nice build up :) but i was expecting more in the ending part :). you might want to edit this "There hearts didn't flinch"

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  28. 失去金錢的人,失去很多;失去朋友的人,失去更多;失去信心的人,失去所有。.................................................................

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  29. Hey, that was a very nice read!

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  30. Hey... Read this, and found it to be amazing! I haven't read your work before.. but liked this one.. I have something for u over at my blog.. do come visit! :D

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